Could resilience be as simple as paying attention?
Recently, I went to a local grocery store in search of a single, critical ingredient I needed for dinner, but didn’t have on hand. I’ve known about this particular grocery store for years due to social media posts warning of purse thefts and car break-ins, but had only shopped there a few times before.
With this knowledge in the back of my mind, I entered the store with admittedly heightened awareness of my surroundings. This wasn’t my usual grocery store and I was searching for an unusual item. I had no idea where I was going to find it in the store, so my attention was hyper focused on how the store was laid out and what was in each aisle. I went down aisle after aisle, feeling increasingly frustrated. The ingredient was nowhere to be found. As I paid close attention to the items on the shelves, I was also paying close attention to the people around me and their conversations and interactions. This is my natural tendency as a Class A eavesdropper, but also the store seemed eerily empty and the friendly warnings from years past still lingered in my mind. As I walked down each aisle with focus and purpose, I was also making sense of my environment.
I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has had an experience like this one. A situation where you are enter a new environment and the unknown components of that environment heighten your awareness of what is happening around you.
When we enter into unknown environments, we have a keen ability to pick up on the specific details of the space, we notice how people are interacting, we locate potential risks, and we observe how people are reacting to our presence in the space. All of this in addition to whatever reason we are there in the first place. These observational tools allow us to navigate new environments and situations with relative ease.
Over time our comfort in a situation or environment increases due to repetitive exposure. While our comfort increases, our close attention to the details start to decrease. We gradually stop paying attention to all of the little things we once noticed. Maybe we ask a red-shirted stranger at Target where we can find the toothpaste, without noticing that their shopping cart was flanked with a curious toddler or two. It's not because we are are lazy (although that could be true, too), but instead, it's because we have acclimated to the environment.
We no longer have to ask the questions because we already know the answers.
When we become comfortable in a situation we start setting up expectations about how things will go, what certain people will do, and even how they will communicate with one another. Our expectations help us reach the next level of engagement in the environment because our mind is at ease. And that’s a good thing. It is exhausting to be in a state of constant guessing about what will happen next.
But, like any good thing, too much can be detrimental.
Making assumptions and having expectations about a situation increases our comfort in that situation, but it also limits our view. We stop needing to pay attention to the details, and so we stop paying attention to them.
We become blinded by our comfort and expectations. Sometimes being embedded in a situation means we can no longer see what is happening around us, in the interactions we have with others or in our physical spaces, or further, how each of these elements might be helping or hurting our long term goals.
When we skip paying attention, we also skip processing information, which causes us to miss the risks and opportunities present in a situation.
So, how do we help ourselves balance the comfort of knowing while also engaging in heightened awareness? How can you ensure that you are making note of critical risks and even more critical opportunities?
First, acknowledge the necessity of paying attention. What is at stake when you fail to process information? What impact might this have on your decisions?
Second, set aside time to allow yourself (and others if you work on a team) to start naming problems, benefits, recurring events, relationship dynamics, emotional responses, organizational data, societal issues, and professional goals— basically anything you see as part of, or influential to, their goals.
Start with problems, because as a society, we are really good at naming problems. Start listing a bunch of problems you see. Write down your concerns.
Next, start naming all of the really good things you see. Write down what is working.
Finally, add in a list of things that just are. Name what you see around you that feels neutral to you. It can be as simple as “I work at a desk.” or “I had a sandwich for lunch.” This might be the hardest part of the exercise as we often want to place a value (good or bad) on things we are noticing.
Repeat this exercise, the simple practice of noticing and naming, for about 10-15 minutes everyday, at the same time, for 3 weeks.
On the 4th week, pick a day and time where you can set aside 15 minutes to complete the exercise. Find a time that you know will consistently work for you. Add this exercise as a non-negotiable part of your calendar. Commit to the power of paying attention and stick to it each week.
Each time you practice paying attention you build your awareness and exercise your resilience muscle. As your resilience muscle strengthens, you’ll notice yourself starting to pinpoint opportunities for growth and recognizing areas of risk.
And that—the act of simply paying attention— is the first, and, arguably, most difficult step to building your resilience.
(Oh, and I did eventually find the ingredient on bottom shelf of the spice aisle!)
In conversation
On the Meet the Moment Podcast with Hannah Drain Taylor & Claire Chase, you will hear powerful stories of resilience, as well dive deep into the things we share across our different experiences and perspectives.
Check out our most recent episodes:
In Episode 14: Some Silver Linings Aren’t Worth It with Hawzien Gebremedhin, Hawzien shared her experience of coming to Colorado as a refugee from Tigray at the age of 2 and how she has recently found strength and support from the international Tigrayan community in the face of the ongoing crisis and genocide in Tigray. We also discuss the difficulty and privilege of leaving communities that no longer support or serve us in our personal transformations.
In Episode 16: The Trouble With Understanding Things We Can’t Explain with Stephanie Moberg, we explored the ways in which we lean on certain types of information over others, leading to the neglect of our own ways of knowing, including our intuition. Stephanie shared her story of coming to recognize the power of different types of information and how she consciously makes the choice to listen and respond in alignment with scientific and intuitive ways of knowing.
You can find these episodes and many more at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.
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